It's your write

peacockfeatherz:

Moms know everything.  She knows I’ve been gone a few times this past week and that I’ve snuck inside (sometimes not so quietly) long after four in the morning.  I think she knows I’m not drinking or doing drugs but I’m not sure.  Sometimes I wonder how bad she thinks I am.  A few days ago she was angry at me for thinking that I would host some wild party while she’s gone.  Mom, when’s the last time I’ve come home stumbling and slurring?  Have I ever come home stumbling and slurring?  I’ve been feeling high for days.  I’m in this chill mood and I can’t seem to snap out of it.  The only times I’ve been able to fully be aware are those moments when I’ve been with him.  It’s not that life is better or more exciting with him but my mind switches to living in the moment mode, which is really hard for me to do, even in yoga.  This is exactly what happened with the last boy.  I’m there; I’m really there and sometimes I feel so much I need to step away from him for a moment to fully absorb my emotions before they overwhelm me.  We would have great sex.  Maybe.  I mean, he’s the first one who’s waited for me and listens to me and doesn’t keep asking me if I want to have sex after I’ve said no.  I don’t know if I’d want my first time where I’m not pressured to be outside of a relationship, though.  Last night I was weighing the pros and cons but only for a moment, before he swept me back to being with him.  When I walk outside, the morning after, the world is so beautiful that I can barely stand it.  I never notice unless I’m really alive, living in the moment.  I asked him why he liked sex and he said a million things and they overwhelmed me.  I’d never thought of any of them before because I’ve never been in the moment and I’m too distracted by what happened in the past.  He’s missing something, though, something that he had.  It seems you’ve never been in love.  Maybe it’s for the best because I’ve never been in love, either.  It won’t be special but it might be nice.

(Source: floatingouttosea)